It's funny how the end makes you think of the beginning. I once read that having a child is like throwing a grenade into the middle of a marriage. I disagree with that. I think that having a child is like throwing a grenade into the middle of your life (if you are the Mom). I felt so happy to have my little guy and yet so lost that I didn't get up and go work with adults all day. I missed having someone to talk to who could talk back, although I am kind of used to one-sided conversations with my dog but still. It was the best of times mostly, and the worst of times some days. But I adjusted, changed, compromised, and in the end thrived in my new environment. Thrived as a Mom.
And now, well, it feels like a second grenade. A second explosion, leaving me feeling much the same way. Who am I now? What is expected of me? I know that work and school is what is good for both of us at the juncture and yet I still feel scared to death. I'm still a Mom, and a physician assistant but I'm not the same person I was before I had a baby. Change is so hard. Feeling the need to seek out much guacamole. :)