Monday, September 13, 2010

Dear Paper RE: Uncertainty

If I was paper, I'd probably dump me. I feel as though paper is this close ( ) to breaking up with me, and I can't say that I don't deserve it. But if you only knew paper, if you really knew how very much I love and think about you, then you wouldn't go. :)
I haven't been in much of a blogging mood (um, clearly.) The truth, is that I realize that I can't do things the same way as I always have before. Since I've been blogging for 3 years, I suspect I need to accept that things will evolve. They have to, it's the nature of it. And yet I'm reluctant to change. There, I said it. I want to blog with a project/page or card. And I'm reluctant to do so without one. And yet, I know deep down that if this is the case, I will blog one time a month after the Cocoa Daisy reveal and that's all. And that's not what I want to do.
I suspect part of my frustration may be mojo-vacation. And one part is just general fatigue with life/working/taking care of a toddler in general. And since this is my new-fangled math, one part could be just being overwhelmed (another part, really? What does that add up to anyway?). See, no one is harder on me, than me. And I want to put up something that I love each and every time I blog, but so many days I just want to post short stories, or things that I like and find interesting. Nothing involved, not a masterpiece by any means, just something. And I think I could do that, if only I could check my perfectionistic tendencies at the door.
What I'm saying in the most obnoxious love letter to paper ever written, is that while my love affair with paper rages on, life goes on too. And during this period of uncertainty, as I try to find my way forward with my paper crafting, I want to be free to experiment with my writing here. So, my posts may be a little unconventional, less structured, more rambling (more than this, seriously?) and in general, more me. I can no longer dissect my personality from my blogging, and nor do I even want to. It upsets me that my pages are more "me" then my posts are, and I think that's why I feel like I should put one in every blog post.
This is hard for me, I do quiet very well. Even in real life the people around me will notice periods of quiet and introspection broken up with short bursts of outgoingness and laughter. It's just the way I've always been. Sometimes I wish it was more consistent and more to one side or the other.
If you are still reading, I'm just so glad you are. :) My last project for the American crafts blog:
In short, I'll try to do better. But I can't do it the same. Happy Monday, until tomorrow.


Denise said...

It's taken me this long to get over here and say hello and then I read your post and I think-yes. Not in, yes I am glad you are struggling right now juggling child/marriage/work/art but yes-I can relate.
I have a pretty good feeling that there are plenty of people who want to hear what you have to say-with or without a picture of your latest creation. They wont care if you're experimenting or rambling and I am pretty sure they will enjoy you just as you are.
I know I will.

BabyBokChoy said...

this is the beauty of RSS readers: you post, those who subscribe read. Post as often or as little as you want, Google will tell me about it :)

Jody said...

Just wanted to say "hi", so I did :)

Genevieve said...

I found your blog via Studio Calico - one of your layouts caught my eye in the gallery and I just love your style :) I can totally relate to this post...I'm an enormous perfectionist as well (which can definitely be a mixed blessing). Your latest project looks lovely - I love the colours! TFS.

Keshka said...

I don't mind rambly posts at all--scrappy posts are nice, but so are life posts! And I love the cards!

Lauren said...

There's nothing wrong with posting what you want, when you want. It's your blog and those of us interested in you will keep reading! Even without the scrappy posts.

I would simply aim for being yourself and wherever that takes you, your blog and your craft life, I'm sure it will be lovely!