Friday, February 17, 2012

On my mind

Someone once told me, that if you came to a bonfire and everyone around the circle was throwing their problems on the fire, that once you saw all their problems you would immediately take yours back. I think this accurately sums up my week.

I haven't been feeling well all week, but I hung in there. Didn't miss any work or anything. Nothing really terrible happened. It all turned out fine. But I just had this sense that things were so hard, or heavy, or bigger than me and what I could handle presently. I just could not find my sense of inner peace or well being. It has left me confused.
Contrasted with a year and 1/2 ago, my burdens seem much lighter now. Then: I returned to work after 3.5 yrs at home with J. J went to preschool and had difficulty adjusting (probably because the teachers couldn't understand him with the speech difficulties). J's speech difficulties. My dh deployed to a very dangerous assignment (on top of a recent previous stressful deployment and house buying experience-alone). And then my grandmother died. I think it's little wonder that was the straw that broke the camel's back and sent my into my first flare.
I didn't have any of those issues now. Things really are so much better. J is thriving in school, excelling with speech, happy with his teachers/and they with him. I'm comfortable at my job. My dh is home, with no deployments on the horizon. And so, I feel kind of betrayed that my body would go into a flare or a mini flare or something. I still don't understand it. But I guess I'm never going to understand this illness. It's always going to leave me guessing, second guessing, wondering, blaming, and feeling double-crossed.
And yet, I know how incredibly blessed I am. I did some blog hopping tonight, first time in a while. And I truly would take my problems over anyone elses. Funny how that works. :)
Happy weekend to you. Until tomorrow. Needing to print some photos to scrap with. :)

1 comment:

Keshet said...

Hope you're feeling better soon, Danielle:) Life just has those up and down seasons...