It still hurts

I lost my Grandma Betty, 2 weeks ago now. It's still hard to look at these photos. I've learned that early morning phone calls are never a good thing. I had the pleasure of my grandma's presence in my life for 34 years, and that's a blessing. She was so young when she had my mother, and I know most people don't get to enjoy a grandparent for that long. But it makes it infinitely harder to let them go. My grandma always made me laugh. Even as a child in a room full of adults I gravitated toward her like the sun. She was the only person who was at least as likely as I was to get into trouble. :)
This is one of only 2 photos I took at her funeral/wake. I just had to find a way to understand how final this was, as the entire out of state trip made with a dog and a child in 2 days was just surreal. I'll be honest, I love this picture, it's peaceful and beautiful and I needed that. I hope it doesn't seem strange that I took it, I don't think it's morbid at all. My mother needed my sister and I with her and I know now that it was important that I went.
As always, my grandma didn't look like herself at the wake. At all. I hate that. So I took this photo of her picture in the doorway. No matter what, I'll always remember my grandma golden tanned from the golf course, a martini in one hand and a cigarette in the other, with a little smirk cursing under her breath (that would make sailors blush). I love you grandma, and I'll miss you until we met again.
Until tomorrow. It's a Monday. :P

Updating

Been out of town for a funeral, an unexpected death in the family. I'll be back soon, to share details. I have to unpack as I have to go to work tomorrow. Not such a happy day. Until tomorrow.

Cocoa Daisy Oct. Happy Days

Brrr. It's cold here! What happened to Fall? Just like that gone? Seems wrong. Seems like even the weather is just a touch dramatic and neurotic lately. I'm just saying. :)

My baby is potty trained, I can't believe it. I have so much to say about that, but not much time tonight. Here are my pages for the Cocoa Daisy Oct. gallery:

This one's title should have been "an unlikely fall tradition", but that wouldn't fit on the tag. It's ok, that's what we are making when visit this pumpkin patch/shop. And it is tradition now, we are going next weekend. Made entirely of the main kit: Happy days.

This page is kind of a place-holder for me. I take photos of J every year in his Halloween costume, and then I edit the snot out of them in photoshop using a photo extraction technique (if there is interest, leave me a comment, otherwise I won't bore all the non-techies). So, I am up to 3 photos (seen) below. My goal is to have the most amazing Halloween mini album ever, someday. I love how the photo technique is really dramatic, it works for Halloween anyway, it's over the top. But, and this is a big but, I'm not ready to make the album yet. I need more photos, another couple of years. So I made this page to remember and record the details, so when the time comes, I won't forget them. I have my work cut out for me this year, J wants to be Buzz lightyear. That costume is white, it will be my biggest challenge yet. :) Mostly the patterned paper add-on here with a ticket and alphas from the main.
This one is about my dh, and it is made with the main kit except for the JBS butterfly. That stamp, sticker, tag, paper and cardstock are all from the main kit.
Lastly, I misted! What I loved about misting-the randomness of it. What I did not love about misting, the randomness of it! I sprayed it 3 times, big juicy lovely drops of dark calico that looked like ink came out, but when I sprayed for real, a fine mist. It's ok, it was still fun. :) And I'd do it again. I still don't understand what I did wrong, but I guess the learning curve is high. :)
Gotta go, I'll try to post again. Happy Monday to you! Until tomorrow.

Sneakage

It's been a long day, always. I can barely keep my eyes open. Just loaded my Cocoa Daisy gallery for Oct., thought I'd share some sneakage here:

Very excited to work with this kit some more. Presently working on an assignment for a magazine, and listening to the first real rain we have had in over 2 months. Welcome fall. Hope you are enjoying it! Happy Monday to you! Until tomorrow. (And why yes, that is some mist you see in the first photo--SC Dark Calico. ;) )

Dear Paper RE: Uncertainty

If I was paper, I'd probably dump me. I feel as though paper is this close ( ) to breaking up with me, and I can't say that I don't deserve it. But if you only knew paper, if you really knew how very much I love and think about you, then you wouldn't go. :)

I haven't been in much of a blogging mood (um, clearly.) The truth, is that I realize that I can't do things the same way as I always have before. Since I've been blogging for 3 years, I suspect I need to accept that things will evolve. They have to, it's the nature of it. And yet I'm reluctant to change. There, I said it. I want to blog with a project/page or card. And I'm reluctant to do so without one. And yet, I know deep down that if this is the case, I will blog one time a month after the Cocoa Daisy reveal and that's all. And that's not what I want to do.

I suspect part of my frustration may be mojo-vacation. And one part is just general fatigue with life/working/taking care of a toddler in general. And since this is my new-fangled math, one part could be just being overwhelmed (another part, really? What does that add up to anyway?). See, no one is harder on me, than me. And I want to put up something that I love each and every time I blog, but so many days I just want to post short stories, or things that I like and find interesting. Nothing involved, not a masterpiece by any means, just something. And I think I could do that, if only I could check my perfectionistic tendencies at the door.

What I'm saying in the most obnoxious love letter to paper ever written, is that while my love affair with paper rages on, life goes on too. And during this period of uncertainty, as I try to find my way forward with my paper crafting, I want to be free to experiment with my writing here. So, my posts may be a little unconventional, less structured, more rambling (more than this, seriously?) and in general, more me. I can no longer dissect my personality from my blogging, and nor do I even want to. It upsets me that my pages are more "me" then my posts are, and I think that's why I feel like I should put one in every blog post.

This is hard for me, I do quiet very well. Even in real life the people around me will notice periods of quiet and introspection broken up with short bursts of outgoingness and laughter. It's just the way I've always been. Sometimes I wish it was more consistent and more to one side or the other.

If you are still reading, I'm just so glad you are. :) My last project for the American crafts blog:

In short, I'll try to do better. But I can't do it the same. Happy Monday, until tomorrow.

Brighter Skies

Hi all. Thank you so much for your concern, I guess I've been quieter then even I thought. I don't mean to be, I'm just busy. Feeling really good about everything though, I feel like I've found a really good fit for me with the office I chose to work in. And J loves his school, and slowly but surely I'm fitting in some crafting on the weekend nights. Today I just feel really lucky and feel like I'm finding balance again. Until the next time the apple cart topples. :) I think that I thought that scrapping and working were mutually exclusive and I'm pleased to find that is not the case. Let's see what happens when we throw the holidays into the mix. :)

Here are some layouts made with Cocoa Daisy's Brighter skies. This first one was made for a sketch challenge we are having in Sept, that's why it looks like my style thrown in a blender. But I kind of like it.

And this one is to help me remember my son singing his ABC's and how amazing it is to watch a child learn. If you know me, you know how very much I love Jenni Bowlin and it physically hurt me for like 10 mins after I decided to do this with the alphas. But it's ok. :)
This one is about that gut-wrenching first day for mom, um, I mean J. :) I love those basic grey fabric buttons, I'd like one in every color/style please. :)
Lastly, I was going to make a card with this paper that said on the front It's not complicated and on the inside put, I love you. And then the more I thought about it, the more I knew that I was feeling this because sometimes J looks at me like he doesn't know what planet I'm communicating from. Why doesn't mum want me to jump on the couch? So, this was my way of feeling understood, even though I know it's futile as he is too young. But it will still be relevant when he puts his hands on his hips and gives me that look when he's a tween so I'm not worried about it. :)

And that's it. Hope you have a good Monday. Until tomorrow.

Sneaking around

Pages coming soon, I promise. :)
Happy weekend to you! Until tomorrow.